my daughter who has breast cancer was cure about a week ago by this herbal man, dr lamp. i was even surprise, the scan and several text detect she is ill free. he only only gave us some herbs which we paid for tho and he gave us a mean of preparation. Herbs is the only way not hospitals that almost suck me... my daughter is well and healthy, this is a miracle. his email is email@example.com.
Photograph by Maya Silver
Published March 2, 2013
Introducing our First Person series, where we invite writers to share personal stories.
I will confess that when friends and co-workers have told me that they "put their pet down," I would think, "OK, how hard could that be?" Disease or old age begins to take a toll on your pet, and at some point you decide it's time for Rover or Tabby to go.
Then I faced the dilemma myself.
Our cat, Rosie, born in 1992, had been having what I will delicately call "litter-box issues" for a couple of years. My wife, Marsha, and I had made many accommodations. We had installed an upstairs litter box for moments when she couldn't make it to the basement box. We had experimented with boxes that were easier to enter, including an enclosed one with a ramp leading up to the litter area. We had bought a rubber pad to put under the box for spillage. We had even bought what I refer to as "doggie wee-wee pads"—extremely absorbent pads that are used to house-train dogs but turn out to be excellent at soaking up cat urine as well.
(I have to say that when I bought those pads at PetSmart and the cashier asked, "Oh, how old is your puppy?" and I replied, "It is not a puppy. It is an aging, incontinent cat," I enjoyed the look of stunned disbelief on her face.)
One suggestion we did not follow: Buy preemie diapers and cut a hole for the tail.
Anyway, as I noted, I thought it would be very easy to say, "I am tired of cleaning up cat urine, so let's euthanize Rosie." But somehow I couldn't. Maybe it was because Rosie seemed to be enjoying life as best she could. She would yell at us each morning if her food supply was low, and as soon as I got home and plopped on the couch in front of the TV, she'd come right over, climb onto my chest, and lie contentedly—a 20-pound (9-kilogram) weight smothering me and shedding orange hair upon my wardrobe of black.
I'd make euthanasia jokes: "She sleeps 23 hours a day, so what's one more hour?" But I found myself wondering: What gives me the right to bring her life to a close? Who knew that a house cat could trigger an existential dilemma?
My inability to make the call to the vet was especially surprising given my checkered relationship with Rosie. When our two now grown daughters were kids living at home, they were the alphas. Rosie gave them great affection but treated me like I had some kind of toxic plague. If I would sit next to her on the sofa, she'd bolt like a crazy, scared rabbit. Even if I had just filled her food bowl minutes before.
But now my wife and I were the alphas. Rosie didn't quite shower us with love, but she did clearly crave our company. So we delayed calling the vet. And we kept cleaning up the litter box.
Then, a few days ago, Rosie stopped eating, And my wife and I knew it was time. We were actually grateful—it was as if she had given us permission to put her down.
We found a vet who would come to the home. That made it easier, because like many cats, Rosie was not a fan of being placed in a cardboard "carrying case" and schlepped to the vet by car.
And so I came home for a 4 p.m. appointment. Rosie was sitting on the sofa, where she has spent most of her time for the past months, curled in a ball. The vet told us that many cats "commit suicide" in a way—when they sense that their body is failing, they stop eating or drinking. Which is what Rosie was doing.
The vet injected Rosie with a sedative while I stroked her. She became unresponsive. At which point I became extremely responsive. To my utter amazement, I began sobbing uncontrollably. I couldn't even talk on the phone when my wife called to say she was five minutes away. I apologized to the vet, and he said, "You're doing well—most people are already blubbering when I get there."
Marsha made it home in time to say goodbye. Then the very kind vet administered a dose of sodium pentothal. We sat there gently stroking Rosie's head. Soon after, her heart stopped beating.
Why is it so hard to send a cat to kitty heaven? It's not like Rosie left in the prime of her life. She had 20 years—20 good years. She was the daughter of a feral cat. We intended her to live an indoor life, but her instincts demanded that she bust out into the great outdoors. So she turned herself into an indoor-outdoor cat and took great pleasure in prowling our yard, terrorizing other cats, and sunning herself on the patio.
Over time, she became such a part of our family life that she was just Rosie Silver, our cat, with her own style and her own Facebook page. She was a devoted friend to our two daughters, even when they stretched her out like she was on a rack. She was also part of our family crises, like the time she got into a fight with some animal outside that resulted in a puncture wound just when Marsha was undergoing breast-cancer treatment.
"Your cat might need a port for her medicine," the vet told us then. I wanted to say, "Now wait a sec, there, we already have a port in the house," because that was part of Marsha's treatment—the implanting of a port for chemo infusions.
I guess what I'm saying now is that I'm stunned by how deep the bond with an animal can be—even an animal that treated me like an ogre for over a decade. And how hard it is to say goodbye, even when you know it's time.
So long, Rosie. You were a cool cat, and our house is empty without you. And I know this sounds hokey, but my heart is a bit emptier too.
Have you ever had to say goodbye to a beloved pet? Did the extent of your grief surprise you? Share your story in the comments.
Marc Silver is deputy director of text for National Geographic magazine and co-author of the new book My Parent Has Cancer and It Really Sucks: Real-Life Advice from Real-Life Teens.
my daughter who has breast cancer was cure about a week ago by this herbal man, dr lamp. i was even surprise, the scan and several text detect she is ill free. he only only gave us some herbs which we paid for tho and he gave us a mean of preparation. Herbs is the only way not hospitals that almost suck me... my daughter is well and healthy, this is a miracle. his email is firstname.lastname@example.org.
My Chloe is 17. She was diagnosed with Hyperthyroidism and last year an oral tumor. I opted not to risk invasive treatment at her age, and the vet was concerned of risks as well. She doesn't tolerate pills well and is on prescription food and corticosteroids. Paws at mouth (pain indicator) after eating. Now the tumor has grown and is rubbing on her gums leaving a permanent open sore. The vet was surprised she has lasted this long (since Oct). Now she's on daily oral antibiotics.
Yesterday she pawed a baby tooth out by root. I freaked. The vet says it's ok. I feel she is falling apart. Vets always say "only you can tell if it's time. When she stops being happy, withdraws, stops eating..." What if it's the Hyperthyroidism causing her to still feel hungry all the time. She stil greets me at the door. Still eats, purrs. Sleeps mostly. But she's old! How do I know?
A vet is coming to home euthanize tomorrow. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. I read when an animal stops eating, they may have suffered much. I try to think of how she may feel. If I had necrotizing flesh in my mouth, wouldn't it hurt? I fear I am ending this too soon, but more that her suffering will be worse and I allowed it. I'm so torn up....
This morning I had to put my darling kitty to sleep. He was fourteen and was in fantastic health until a week ago when he unfortunately had a stroke. Since then he has become weaker and weaker and last Friday he lost all movement in his back leg and could no longer walk, jump or squat. The vet advised we left him over the weekend but as he became poorlier she advised yesterday morning we should think about putting him down. I cried all week but last night, knowing it was the last with my baby was insufferable. I have had my darling Rolo since I was six and this is the hardest thing I have ever done.
Reading your comments last night reassured me that I am not the only one going through this and made me feel better, so I wanted to share my story with you today. I am writing this with tears rolling down my cheeks and I already miss him so much. I don't know why but I am filled with so much fear for my baby and I was terrified he would be scared. I just feel so heartbroken. I feel for you all so much and I hope you are all coping better than myself. I know he is looking down on me but he is not here, and that breaks my heart
I grieve for you Marc and for all who have written here in the comments. My own beloved Tabitha kitty passed just one week ago and although I knew it would come someday losing one's furbaby - whether 14 days, weeks, months or years - is always a shock. As soon as my vet called and told me she had a tumor the size of a human fist in her tummy I knew right away what was the right thing for her. We took care of her that day and released her to the cosmos to find like spirits to play with. My husband and I look forward to the day we can see all our furbabies again, but especially we'll be on the lookout for this one. Namaste little spirits.
I am typing this, totally inconsolable. I took my "baby" to the vet this morning to get the diagnosis she has cancer and won't be with me for much longer. I was told she could have surgery, but that she probably wouldn't survive the anaesthetic. At 15 she's had a really good life and it's going to kill me to take her to the vet for the last time. The vet has told me just to have quality time with the time she has left. I don't know what to do. She's hasn't even died yet, but my heart is breaking knowing that it's inevitable! I am such a baby!
My heart goes out to you and the others. We all share your grief. It has been since Friday that we put our baby Zorro down and I am missing him sooo much!! I love him so much and want to see him again around our house, I want to see him doing all the crazy antics that he was full of. Now i just see how we must of missed that he was getting so sick and that he deteriated so quickly and we didn't catch it. We love you Zorro!!!
I, my brother, and my sister's boyfriend just got home from putting our Leah to sleep. I am typing this through tears. We had her since I was about 14... I just turned 28. So long, so many years. Like a lot of your stories, our baby had liver issues it looked like, started twitching this morning and was unresponsive. We didn't want her to suffer and though we PRAYED for her healing, it wasn't fair to see her that way and pray to keep her here longer. I have ALL the 'should I have?' questions in my head as well. Worse, my sister was at work, and didn't get to say bye. Her and I cried on the phone as we made the decision to give her back to God. God bless all of you that are going through this too. Painful isn't even the word, quite the understatement. Love you Leah Bear, mommy will see you again one day...
When these beloved creatures look at us with their soulful eyes we can't help to feel the unconditional love they feel for us humans. When it's time for us to end their suffering it's beyond sad, even though we know it's time to say our final goodbyes...I can't even describe these feelings they are so intense. I have been through this many times and it never gets easier. However, this time we did it differently and had a vet come to our home to do the euthanasia. I have to say that even though it was still very hard emotionally, for the kitty to not have to go through all the stress of going to the vets and us getting stressed knowing our poor kitties are stressed it is a fantastic service and we will never do it any other way again. This little animal was my companion for 22 years and was always glad to see me no matter what...now I have a huge hole in my heart and feel as though a piece of my being is gone. I know it will get better as time passes but for now it hurts and the emotions come in waves...sometimes I wonder why, why are these emotions so intense when we lose our animals...I suppose it's the love we have for them.
I'm now well-past retirement, and have had cats and dogs and gerbils and mice and goldfish and snakes and frogs and, even, a colony of ants. Losing each was just horrible. 2 years ago we had to have our 17 year-old cat, Magnus, put down - at home. Both my husband and I were weeping. This one I even put up a little kitty memorial plaque on his grave. Every place we've ever lived had little graves in the back yard. And, I guess there will be at least one more. Our current cat, Lily, will end up there - eventually. Hopefully, a LONG eventually. Each one was different. Slither, my Black racer, would neatly eat newly dead mice from my fingers. They were culls from my mouse-breeding business (how else could a 14 year old girl earn pin money back then?). Eventually, Slither got away from me, and went to live in the woods. There were fewer chipmunks for a while. Charm, my little ribbon snake, would simply constrict around my wrist, and look like a bracelet. Toots, my gray and white mama-cat presented us with litters of 6 to 8 kittens on a regular basis. Easy to find homes for them in a neighborhood full of children. I wept over each parting, whether in death or adoption. Each of them shared a part of my life. Child, teen, adult, parent, grandparent, I have had pets.
My advice from the Medicare side of life? Weep for each loss, and get another to share your life. Pets, warm- or cold-blooded, give us a chance to explore new relationships. They give us back much more than we lose when they leave our lives.
To all my pets: I hope I'll see you at the Rainbow Bridge!
My heart is broken tonight as we put our beloved cat to sleep just a few hours ago. He was such a special a beloved cat with tons of personality. We just noticed he was sick a few weeks ago and realized he had lost a lot of weight. He was very fluffy so we didn't notice so much and my son and I were so busy these last few weeks we did not notice. The vet at first thought liver flukes but he never got better and would not eat. I was force feeding him for 4 days and he started to get very weak and wobbly and trouble going to bathroom. The vet said he prob has liver cancer. My son did not want to see him like this so we put him down. I do not have peace about it and feel very guilty that we did not know he was so sick. He was 11 years old and we feel since he was a house cat he should have lived much longer. I feel just heart broken and have been crying all afternoon.
Ouch…! I am still trying to get past this giant lump in my throat from the emotion that wells up in me, having sent my ‘little girl Bo’ home this past Saturday March 15th. She has/had a very strong life force and with my doctoring care she kept on living and loving for her 22nd year. (As a man often is, I am bad with dates. It was 1990 or 1992 when we got her.) Yes, that is a long time. But I had the opportunity to care for her and I thought it my duty to care for God’s creation the best I could. She had a good life and she knew how much she was loved. It was a two way street for sure! She was a strong little tabby with beautiful markings. Only God could paint such a face. I had been asking the Doctor for years now “when will I know, and what do you think?” He never really replied. But I knew this was it. She had a strong heart and will but the body would not cooperate. It was not fair to keep pushing for more time. I’d been down this road before with younger cats, but this was not easy at all. This was pure love…and you don’t let go so easy.
When my cat was a young kitten, he observed that my husband held my hand all the time. So he also started putting his paw on my hand. On the couch or lying in bed or on the dining table, he always put his paw in my hand. And he continued to hold my hand through several relationships, through several jobs, through several homes in strange cities and in different continents......
Last Monday, the doctor confirmed that he is dying. "It's bad," she said.
So now it's my turn to hold his paw. To wait patiently. I don't quite know when it would be time, to have him put to sleep. I don't want him to be in pain or feel like he was drowning in that thick liquid collecting in his lungs. The doctor advised that I would look into his eyes and would know when it is time. So I guess we just sit here and wait. Days, weeks, or (hopefully) months. In the meantime, I'll hold his paw.
My cat, Einstein, died Friday night at home. He was almost 17, I had him since he was 6 weeks old. He died at home and it was awful. He was having what I am guessing were seizures and was drooling, without going into it too much, I guess I wish I would have had him put to sleep. But he didn't seem to be to that point until that night. I tried to call a local vet when it was happening to see if he could come to the house, but he did not make house calls. I strongly think they should make house calls in those situations.
I miss Einstein so much, he was such a presence in our home, always in the same room with us. Always met us at the door when we came home. I wish so much that I would have spent more time with him lately, you just never know when it's going to happen. the house feels so different without him.
I will pick his ashes up tomorrow, not sure that it will make me feel any better, in fact it's going to be difficult.
I am at work right now and having a hard time not crying so I better end this.
Prayers to all of you going through the loss of a pet, it is devastating.
I have already poured my heart out in a comment i wrote unaware that this was part of a National geographic site and I am now almost as saddened by the fact that this site seems to be a sad way to catch people who are sharing a time of great sadness. So my first comment has been lost in Cyber-space.
Get my drift.
However the comments I read, (before signing up to National Geographic) to me were unbelievable and I was comforted by the depth of love our pets can command because of their unconditional love they give to us.
I am a Christian and am finding this time very difficult. So to all of those out there who need comfort. God Bless and I pray the peace of God which passes all understanding will be with us and our wonderful pets as they pass on to a better world.
Reading this article as well as the comments below have really helped me deal with the pain of having to let go of my sweet Trisha cat today. When I woke up this morning I knew it was the day, but of course I had to go into work for a few hours on this Saturday of all Saturdays. I cried the whole 3 hours I was at work and tried to hide it best I could from my coworkers. I dreaded looking at the clock, watching it grow closer and closer to the time. As soon as I left work I called Paws Into Grace, an in-home euthanasia provider who had wonderful reviews on Yelp. She didn't answer. I drove home feeling helpless, sad. The doctor called back as I was almost home and I inquired about the service. She said she had a cancellation and could be right over. It felt like I had to grab the chance. I knew Trisha was at home, suffering and alone.
She had been in a pathetic state for nearly a week, having nothing to eat for five days and having trouble figuring out how to even lap water comfortably. The night before I stood and watched her as she stared into her water dish, looking as though she wished she could drink it all up but just couldn't. Eventually she turned her eyes towards me and gave me a look like, "I hate this, don't watch me while I am like this." I kissed her and let her be. I was suffering too. Every time I heard her cry it killed me. Her meow had changed over the course of the week to a low, hollow sound of despair. I couldn't stand walking to the kitchen and seeing her sitting in front of her bowl, staring off, shaking. Her cute face, which I loved to kiss and nuzzle, sitting there miserable and frustrated. My gut told me it was her time to go. She has had a long life and was sick off and on the past year, but it had never gotten this bad.
It was such a tough choice to make, I still don't know if it was the right one. She was jumping and purring and being her curious self just a week ago. Now she is gone. I will never be able to look to the window and see her sitting there, basking in the sunlight. My home feels empty, and so do I. Holding her in my arms as she slowly passed filled me immense grief. I shook and cried and I could feel the way my face was twisting and turning as I tried to stay in the moment with her. I remembered the first time I saw her, how cute she looked, how friendly she was. How she came inside the house and jumped on my desk and started devouring my steamed broccoli. I knew she must have been starving to eat broccoli. Shortly after I took her in, it was winter and I didn't have the heart to let her stay out there. Trisha was good to me, always there when nobody else was. I miss her so much. I'm so sorry Trish. I love you and will always cherish the years we spent together.
I am sitting here now with a broken heart. Percy was a noble and wonderful cat/friend. When my husband passed away a year ago, he asked me to be good to his cat. Percy had been his companion and friend during his own illness. This last year has been difficult for me and Percy, I moved back home and he had to acclimate to a house of other creatures. 2 other cats and 3 dogs. When he started to lose weight, I thought it was because of all the changes he had suffered through. I found out too late that he was going into kidney failure. I left Percy in the care of our wonderful vet and his employees. Knowing that he is gone now and that I essentially signed his death warrant has me physically sick. Percy, I love you and miss you. I pray that you really are in kitty heaven and maybe even with my husband
I always had been an unconditional cat lover. In April of 1996 while living in the Quebec City area, Nutmeg came into my life one Sunday morning … a calico cat of approx one year.
Even though we already had Huggies, a friendly loving cat, I invited her in by the back door. But my husband disagreed with me about adopting another cat so, following his wishes, I put her back outside under the front porch….After commenting about the poor thing to my teenage daughter Gabrielle, she told me that it was a stray cat who had spent the winter roaming around the youth centre, fending for itself, trying on occasions to get into the centre on opening nights.
I felt terrible during the following week. Wasn’t charity a Christian value? And if it had been a homeless person that came to my door begging for food and shelter? Would I give it or would I be afraid to? How could I pretend to be a true Christian if I had doubts? I haven’t been able to live up to the call by giving shelter to a mere cat in need. I was truly upset and let my husband know that if God lead her again to my door I was going to keep her.
A week later I received a call from one of my son’s friends who lives at the other end of my neighborhood; he had found a “small cat” but could not keep it because he already had a dog, and went on with all the usual arguments. I didn’t want to be bothered, with a kitten and started to answer him accordingly when I remembered the Sunday cat…. I asked him to come show it to me and a few minutes later Steve was at the door with my Sunday cat. Her fate was sealed…and my faith was strengthened.
Nutmeg turned out to be a quiet well mannered cat. Even my husband fell in love with her. She shared the house and grounds with Huggies and never took more than her share; complicity developed between them over the years, and became protective of him. She followed me whenever I went in the woods, for a walk or to pick berries. She would always come to you when called. She was afraid of thunderstorms, hiding under a low piece of furniture whenever she could hear a storm coming….Nutmeg adopted a sweater my sister had knitted for my husband that I used to wear, and would lie on it whenever she could. Over the years I shared it with her.
We lived in a small community in the country, surrounded by woods and wildlife. Even though my cats were outdoor cats, I always managed to have them in the house by 07:00 at night because of the wildlife. One night when I called her, and she didn’t show up, I was truly worried. As the hours passed I called her again and again without her showing up. I went to bed heavy hearted wondering what had kept her from answering my call. We were up early the next morning, I, hoping to see Nutmeg at the door. She was still missing and I was dismayed. Gilles, my husband instead of getting ready for work, put his jeans and t-shirt on to tour the edges of the woods; he was back half an hour later with Nutmeg in his arms… some kids had caught and fastened her to a tree on a short rope… Gilles told me that she answered his calls and thus guided him to her. I was grateful to have her back home safely with us.
Four years later we moved to the Toronto area, with our cats and a 10 year old budgie. We settled happily in our new home, but Nutmeg was nervous and still unsure outside; in the first months, I went on a few search and rescue at night, looking for her …. And always she answered my calls and gladly came to me and followed me home. She eventually got used to her new surroundings, months became years and all was OK until my daughter came for a visit with her cats…
That day, we left on a beautiful morning for a trip to Niagara Falls leaving the cats in and allowing Nutmeg to stay outside, knowing that she would not relish being cooped up inside in company of strange cats. We expected to be back in time for the cat’s daily curfew but didn’t manage to get home before 09:30 that night. There was no sign of Nutmeg outside and she would not answer my calls. The next day she didn’t show up… Gabrielle suggested that we post a missing pet ad on the mail boxes in our area which we did… I made a few calls to the humane society, and other animal welfare groups in our area. My daughter eventually left with her cats People who worked at the local newspaper were generous and put an ad in the paper. I got a few calls but nothing relevant. As days went by I kept dreaming of her at night, I was distraught. Until one day a lady called and was adamant she’s seen Nutmeg in the woods by the school near her place. Nutmeg, had a calico coat, her markings could easily be recognized.
Meanwhile, I spoke to my mother over the phone who gave me her word of wisdom: Nutmeg left because she was vexed, and not worry myself, she would eventually be coming back.
It took 18 days for Nutmeg to come back home; Early on a Sunday morning after a night of thunderstorm there she was, at the door, asking to be let in. My Sunday cat was back and just like the very first day I met her… Nutmeg that I thought was lost to me was given back.
Some years later my husband work asked that we moved abroad. Laws and regulations prevented us from moving the cats with us; Huggies was getting on with age and was frail… this is when my sister, generously offered to take them under her roof until we came back home. It was the perfect solution, since the cats knew her garden well; whenever we went to visit her over the years, we always brought the cats with us. So we left them at my sister’s, knowing the cats would be well loved and cared for. I didn’t forget to leave Nutmeg’s sweater with strict instruction that it was only to come out of the drawer when I was present on a visit. A couple of years went by and while we were on a short visit, Huggies 18yo had to be put to sleep, it was a heart wrenching decision, he was such a lovable cat. Although I loved that cat very much I cowardly left the others deal with the matter. Nutmeg went on bravely for two more years before we came back home.
My sister thought that
another move would be asking too much of Nutmeg who was turning 13yo. How would she react to a new house and garden?
I agreed thinking it was the best solution and adopted instead, a couple of
kittens from a nearby farm. Now, 16 months later my sister was seriously ill in
hospital, Nutmeg seemed depressed and neglected. I felt it was time for me to
take her back, I gathered enough courage and settled the matter with my beloved
sister who readily relinquish her care to me and so, I took Nutmeg back home
with me. She lived on for another 3 years and even though she was getting on in
years, I believe she was perkier for a while teaching the younger ones how to
climb on trees and other feline tricks.
She passed away on a Sunday, last December, a week or so before Christmas, she was 18 years old. God forgive me, I wish I could have been able to ease her pain. I pray, she will forgive my ignorance. Gone is my Sunday cat although I sometimes see her shadow from the corner of my eye.
I am going through the same situation with our dog, and my story is exactly like yours! "How hard could it be", "it's just a pet", etc. Today we found out our 12 yo dog has inoperable tumors, and we have to put her down. I've been heartbroken, crying in the bathroom for the past two hours. I cannot fathom the thought of seeing her smiling at us and then .. I just can't. So I decided to go on google and do research on the subject. Yours is the first link I clicked on.. It didn't make me feel better, but it totally described my situation to a tee, so.. comforting at least. But one thing I haven't thought of is having a doctor come to the house.. I think it would be a lot more peaceful for Peanut since she hated going to the vet..
I can't read any more of these. Our beloved cat Trixie has a few more days I think. My heart is breaking.
I have to make the decision shortly, my cat autumn is slowly dying,, she is 22 and has had a great life. I have had to lock her in the kitchen because she has decided to not use the litter box anymore and is not using the puppy pads either. She is still eating and drinking water so at the moment I shall just give her as much love and company as possible and wait until she doesn't seem to want to eat anymore to call the vet. Even though it pains me to not allow her free roam of the house, since she is sleeping a lot and purring I shall believe for my own peace of mind that she is still happy and will wait a bit before calling vet, waiting for a sign. Thanks to all those that have shared their experiences. very hard decision to make.
Just recently I had to say goodbye to my best friend Smokey. He was 16 and I had him for 14 yrs. I had hoped he would recover enough overnight to go to the vet. in the morning he was worse and he had to be put to sleep.. it was the hardest thing I have ever done. Now he is a box of ashes. not a flesh and blood cat. I still look for him and call for him when I am tired. I just hope he is in heaven and I will see him again. I still love him and miss him. And still cry for him every day. I just hope he forgives me for stopping his pain.
Much the same, I was looking for some sort of reason or logic for the pain I am feeling, I did not expect it.
I held Peaberry through her last breath yesterday afternoon, she was a Maine Coon with amazing coloring and the most incredible personality. I got her as a rescue 4 1/2 years ago and she has been my best and truest friend ever since. She had gone into renal failure, and her condition deteriorated so badly over the course of 3 days that she had lost nearly a third of her body weight. But even in as much stress she was in, she was still purring right up until the sedative took hold, she was just happy to be with me. I had not had a pet since I left home at 18, now 25 years ago, and had not realized how much of a hole there was in my life until Peaberry filled it. I have another one, just over a year old, that I got at 4 weeks old (another rescue) who is so upset now, Jasper will sit by her favorite pillow, pawing at it and crying. She was his constant companion for almost his entire life, his obvious pain just breaks my heart even further.
As I sit typing I keep noticing how cold my neck is, it feels like I am out in a storm and everything is covered up but that one spot. Nearly all of the time I sit at my desk she would be on the back of my chair curled up around my neck, flicking my face with her tail and licking the back of my ear. The coldness feels wrong, but I can still feel her purring. All the light and color in the world seems dimmer and dull today.
I know that in time the pain will ease and fade into happy memories, but right now I just want her to flop down on my keyboard and make things right.
To all here who have faced this loss, know that we are all here to share our pain; and in that sharing, do honor to those we have lost. Thank you for allowing me this forum for putting words to my grief.
I came across this article searching for answers, or rather proof that I wasn't some crazy pet person.
My wife and I said goodbye to Kitty yesterday afternoon. For 14 years she was apart of my family and my wife was lucky to also share her for 7 of those 14 years. Much like I've read in this article as well as the comments below, Kitty was around us almost every moment of the day as well as with us at night.
I am fortunate enough to work from home often, and Kitty was in my lap as I would bang away at the computer, make a sandwich for lunch, or pretty much any other time. The best I could describe her is, she was a member of the family and one of my best friends.
Before my wife, Kitty was there when no one else was. So, it was extremely hard to see her quick decline. Her body had broken down but her will to love us never did. We knew it was time, and honestly, we could've just let "nature take it's course", but since she had stopped eating, that course would involve starvation. An extremely painful end to such a beautiful creature.
The choice we made, was the right choice. None-the-less, as I went to sleep last night I found myself expecting her to show up at any moment. And this morning as I made breakfast, there was no greeting from her to let me know that she'd also like some eggs and bacon (not that she'd ever had eggs and bacon). I feel like a piece of me is missing as while sitting on the couch or that any moment she'll come walking down the hallway. Devastation seems so minor compared to how I feel with her gone.
I take solace in reading that many of you feel or have felt like I do now, which means either we're all crazy or that our pets weren't pets at all, but family. Thank you for your stories and a forum to leave mine. Condolences to all for your loss.
Your article means a lot to me, one of my 16 year old cats is at that point and I am heart broken. I adopted Maggie just three days after my beloved Marley died of heart problems. Marley was quite ill and was in kitty ICU, where I visited the day she died. The vet called me to ask if I could come in in a couple hours to discuss options. I knew. She wasn't responding to the heart medications. My son and I had visited her just before he left for Kindergarten that day. Marley was my constant friend; my soul mate. Even as weak as she was, she lifted her head and me owed to me. With an appt. to see the vet at 3, I knew what was c Ming. Instead, the doctor called early and told me Marley had passed away after she had started coughing up blood. I was heartbroken and I remember I was glad I didn't have to make the decision but I NEVER got over the fact that she died without me there with her. I am a heart patient myself, Marley had even passed away because of her own heart.i had her cremated and am very glad I did so.
Now, 16 years later, my dear Maggie is failing. She was diagnosed with diabetes in 2005 and has received insulin ever since. She is so sweet, she even purrs while she gets her injection as she loves her back rubbed. She has not been the constant companion that Marley was, she is not a lap cat, but I have never seen a kinder animal in my life. I got a second cat to be my needed lap cat and Maggie will lie close by or just hang around, loving in her own quiet way. She was a rescued feral kitten. She used to sit beside my son while he played video games and seemed to be closest to him. She has been doing more poorly lately and I have had a knee problem that keeps me on the couch resting it a lot. Maggie got up on the couch with me the other day, as she has done many times, but this time she nestled in between my arm and body. It meant the world to me. I had prayed the night before for guidance about euthanasia for her as she is getting weaker and weaker and her weight loss has been huge. I came home the other night to find that she had become incontinent, there was a little blood and I saw her hunching over with diarrhea. After a lot of tears, I finally called the vet to take her in tomorrow. I don't know if Maggie will be coming home with me. I am hoping for guidance- perhaps she has a blockage, it had happened to Marley once, or she is sick in some other way. We have been living with puppy pads for quite a while now, as she is diabetic and drinks constantly. The other cat, who resembles Rosie! will find places on the carpet to avoid the litter boxes as Maggie keeps them busy. All day today, she has had her head in a bowl of water drinking. I was able to get her to eat a treat. Maggie has no teeth anymore and she walks stiffly. I have been spending as much time as Ai can with her, and she still purrs. I wonder if she is in pain?
I came to this through google for some help. It has been just what I needed to see given Maggie's present condition. My son is 21 now, and tomorrow we may have to make that difficult decision. My heart is broken but I want to end her suffering if that is what is best. If she does go tomorrow, I know I will be able to be there and stroke her as she passes away. I hope she and Marley will become buddies at the Rainbow bridge if that happens. Thanks for listening. This is indeed harder than the death coming without warning, I know I will always wonder if I could have waited longer - but then, perhaps I will get good news tomorrow.
I may have to put my baby girl down tomorrow. A wonder cat named LG. We're hoping for the best, but the best thing right now may be that she's no longer suffering. I've put down to family dogs over my years, no matter how many times you go through it, still hurts. I love you more than you know baby girl!!!!
I had to put to sleep my beautiful Darkness, it was my cat, she was suffering from Lymphoma and it was impossible to save her life. She passed away yesterday at 11:20 a.m. for me was very painful seen her falling to sleep and in a two minutes she was dead. My family and I missed her a lot, I am mad, I feel guilty but my vet said, we did everything that was in our power to save her but she was very sick. We always love her.
My two year old cat was put down yesterday. He had heart disease, unbeknownst to us, and deteriorated suddenly. The house is definitely much too quiet now. Our other cat has lost her brother and best friend, and keeps looking for him whenever she hears a noise in another room. I confess I sometimes look for him too, expecting him to be sprawled out in the hallway in his usual way, greeting me at the front door, or circling my legs in the kitchen. He had insatiable appetite-- for everything. Food, affection, play, people, fun. He woke me up each morning by purring loudly in my face until I got up. He just wanted to get going. He didn't want to waste time. He was big in size and presence. He was smart, intuitive, and sweet. He needed people more than the average cat. And that made even the dog people love him. I really miss him, more than I could have known. He wasn't here long enough. Not nearly.
Kiddy was a loving all black beautiful cat that loved to be indoors and outdoors. His life ended 10-4-2013 kiddy was ran over by a black BMW car and the driver kept going, leaving kiddy laying in the street to die alone. A neighbor came to alert me of the accident. When I made it to kiddy he had passed away. I have so many questions was he pain, did he know what was going on, was he scared, was it quick. I just don't know what Im gone do.
Hi, I was actually Googling a book when I came across this. Odd timing, maybe perfect timing as my little boy Nash lies in my chair. He got out of breathe last weekend so Monday we took him to the vet. Xrays showed his trachea pushed sideways and bent like an exhaust pipe. The DR thinks it's a tumor. There is also a large shadow next to his heart. He has been drinking and peeing a lot more lately. Bloodwork indicated kidney and liver distress. He had a pretty rough couple days this past Friday and Saturday so they put him on steroids which have eased his breathing difficulty much to my relief.
This isn't my first time. He is the 5th baby of "the pack". He will be 13 Nov 17th if he makes it. We had his b-day party yesterday just in case. I have learned from the past not to wait if there's something you want to do while they can still enjoy it. Nash was not his usual excited self but he did sit up, and his eyes brightened when we sang Happy Birthday and got out the cake. All my dogs loved/love cake! Vanilla of course, with roses. Austin used to sing along and I had to hide the cake box until party time or he'd carry on all day.
I always think that I'll be ready to say goodbye because raising six dogs together was exhausting but the memories are priceless and I'd do it all over again if I thought I physically could. Austin lived only to 9Y 9M old, he had a lifelong history of severe health issues and we almost lost him several times before he finally could not take any more July 31st 2011.
Tee-Bone lived into his 13th year and was very senile from a lifelong history of seizures, meanest dog I ever met, 9 pounds of vicious apricot fur and bit everyone at least once, but during his "sane" moments, he made us laugh like crazy. He died in June of 2004.
Austin went through several major surgeries and battled oral cancer, I thought for sure my "miracle boy" had beat the odds and would live to a ripe old age. After all, he'd survived a bladder rupture, several attacks of Pancreatitis, knee surgery, ruptured disks in his back which required emergency surgery and then another bladder surgery, then after that the oral cancer. I was convinced that he'd live a long life after that. Not so. 7 months after beating oral cancer, his pain came back and it was so bad he couldn't function. I'll never forget the drive down to his favorite hospital. Austin, who was usually extremely vocal was very quiet. He'd met so many doctors, nurses and techs in his life that he touched many lives with his animate exuberant personality. When Austin was in the house...everyone knew it. He made everything, and I mean everything brighter. He helped me through the loss of Winky and Austin kept the other dogs on their toes. He took it upon himself to become my therapy dog, and helped with my hearing loss. He was truly amazing. He was on Animal Planet, too. After he was gone, I was crippled with grief. I laid my head on his bed at night and cried the hardest tears ever. I am still not over the loss.
Fate was unkind. Crocket, who was my lap dog for 11 solid years, non fail, was diagnosed with oral cancer 5 months after Austin left. Crocket would lay on my chair with me 24/7. He was just that content and devoted. Everyone had their place as the years went on. In the early years, I'd have five dogs on my chair with me for TV time. It was awesome.
Nash is Crocket's littermate, they were together since birth. They got neutered together, everything, because they were so bonded. Nash cried the night Crocket didn't come home and it broke my heart. How many times can one survive a broken heart? I wonder. Nash adopted "surrogate Crocket" and began sleeping on my chair with the stuffed dog. I'd be here at my desk and catch Nash staring at me just like Crocket used to do. Now our pack of six has shrunk to two and each time one leaves, the house become bigger...quieter...sadder.
I don't know when Nash will leave us. He's very tired and weak. His appetite is waning whereas before he was always hungry. He was never overweight, never had any health problems so he had a very good almost 13 years. Crocket was healthy, too, but was always very frail and required a special diet. He only lived to be 11Y 4M...way to short!
So as I sit here writing this, I wonder how long will Nash be with me. And while I always think I'll be ready, I never am. I always think I'll be strong. But I never am, not with them. My dogs are my family. They've treated me better than 99% of the people I know. I love them as much as I have ever loved anyone. They were not just dogs. They are friends, family, companions, confidants...everything. They made me laugh, smile, kept me moving, got me out of bed, kept me busy, made me feel alive and gave me reason to fight the physical symptoms that plague me daily. We have one little girl, the same age as Nash almost, she will be 13 in January of 2014. There are no words to describe the grief of losing them
When the time comes, I always ask the DR to put them "asleep" before stopping their heart. I cannot bear it any other way, so they administer sedation, then general anesthesia then when I am ready, the injection that stops the heart and my boys pass peacefully in my arms while I sob my heart out. They are cremated in a private cremation and I have the ashes.
I've already mapped out in my mind what I will tell Nash. He has NO fear of the vet, never had, he has always been our "adventurer", see everything in life as an adventure, he's not the fearful nervous type, so calm and brave he is. He is such a sweetheart and so easy going that everyone who met him wanted to take him home. If he was a person, he'd be very popular.
Every time I leave the house, I'd put everyone in their crates, which are stuffed with baby blankets and pillow pals so we call them their beds, and as I walk out the door, I say, "I'll be back, Mommy loves you." And I always said this anytime I had to leave them at a hospital or on occasion a groomer. I did most of the grooming but once in a while I'd take them to one if I was too tired. But always, "I'll be back, Mommy loves you." And they understand those words. Austin almost died from his bladder rupture, he got very depressed so the vet had me come in and visit. I held him in my arms while he was hooked to IV and we talked. I hugged and cuddled him, then when I left, I said those words. The next day, the vet called and said he'd made a major turn and to come get him, he was driving everyone crazy with his loud howling! Ohhh what happy reunions Austin and I had!
When Nash's time comes, I'm going to tell him, "Nash, this nice doctor is going to give you some medicine that will make you fall asleep and when you wake up, you'll be with your brother Crocket at the Rainbow Bridge, and you'll see Tee Bone, Winky (he and Wink were great friends) and Austin again. Please tell them all I miss them, give them my love and wait for me. Until we meet again my friend...you'll always be in my heart. Mommy loves you."
Susan Zoe Bella
Author of Rainbows Hearts and Puppy Tales
We had to put our 14 year old cat Victor down today, I'm utterly heartbroken .. I thought I would have been ok with it because he was older and suffering, not the case..it was the most difficult decision I have had to make in quite some time. All I know is that We will miss him and I tried everything I could. :'(
I am sitting here now, crying as I read your post. My beloved Nib, almost 15, is likely passing. I say "likely" as denial is helping me get through this. He is anemic, his spleen is enlarged, and he doesn't want food, only water. Yet, when speak to him, he replies. When I stroke him, he purrs. He has no trouble moving back and forth between sofa and fireplace. Yet, it seems too soon. It is always too soon.
just said goodbye to my amazing dog, Daisy.. hemangiosarcoma.. the call was made, but of course she had to decide to go earlier and started a bleed, she didn't make that darned 1:30 appt.. on the 11th.. I am bereft and feel so sad.. she became my focus when my sons went off to college.. the best little danged cocker spaniel ever.. I too thought I would be happy without meds, yeast and ear infections, but I miss her terribly.. funny that.. Hope she is chasing squirrels somewhere.. miss her.
its 2pm where i live. at 4, im taking her across the street to the vet for her final journey.
this cat was (ahem... is) still much more than just a cat to me. she really is my best friend. she is a family member who i hold closer to heart than 80% of my actual family.
since day one, she never did any wrong. she only gave love. she never hissed at anyone. she never ate someones food. she never wanted treats or catnip. the only thing she ever wanted was affection and ive given her more than most people could ever give an animal.
shes 15 now and about a week or so ago she stopped eating and drinking. her hips were already going which made it hard for her to walk. up until today i could nurse her a little bit of water here and there, but today, she wont have any of it.
within the past month or 2 ive felt a sense of her dwindling, so i would be with her as much as possible. i would sleep with her whenever i could. recently she started hiding in the bathroom when she went to sleep. maybe embarrassed to die in front of me? This didnt change my mind at all. i set up a blanket on the bathroom floor and i would join her despite bathroom tile being an incredibly unpleasant surface to sleep on, i was there with her.
ive pretty much been crying for a week straight. i cant help it. before this happened i honestly couldnt tell you when the last time i cried was. years for sure and for what reason? i dont know.
1 hour and 45 minutes remains in her life now and im sitting beside her; watching her gasp for air, too weak to hold her head up. urinating on herself without the strength to move. this is hard. i want her to be out of pain, but i have no idea what im going to do when shes gone. shes always been here... somewhere. my house, my heart, my mind. i will always have a sense of emptyness without her.
last night i slept with her. both our heads sharing the same pillow while looking into each others eyes. several times i woke up throughout the night to see if she was still breathing because she already looked so dead. there was still a little life left.
1 hour and 40 minutes remains.
i came across this article because i simply googled "saying goodbye to a cat" looking for some kind of help, because at this moment, ive never felt more helpless in my life. i know im helping her, but the pain in my heart is incredible.
i guess telling you all (whoever might read this) my story is the help i was looking for. i needed to vent, but cant do this in person as id probably lose my voice in the first sentence. im a 33 year old man about to lose his best friend and i dont know what else to say other than cherish every moment you have with your pets. there is something to be said about an inter-species relationship. in many ways the bond formed is much stronger than it could be with another human... different, but still strong nonetheless.
if youve read my story probably filled with type-o's and punctuation errors, i thank you for hearing my voice and my story.
im going to lie down with buckshot one last time.
My 11 year old baby is suffering and we have an appointment scheduled for tomorrow. I've never faced anything so painful and difficult in my whole life. I love you so much, Autumn.
(Part 4-Final) My cat will decide for himself if he wants to fight or to die and if he were to die, he will choose to die at his own time, not mine. But if he were to fight, I will stand by him like a father to his son to the best of my abilities defending against all transgression that may come from anywhere including pet solidarities or self-righteous pet owners.
Euthanasia? Not in a million years. My cat deserves the respect to conform himself to nature.
(Part 3)Then, I started watching online documentaries on cats from various establishments on one hand to learn more about our feline friends and on the other hand subtlely finding the answer to this troubling question of how to end my cat’s life should the time come for it. ‘The Secret life of Cats’ by BBC was the revelation.
Cats are wild by nature. They live their lives like the rest of the felines like lions and cheetahs. They hunt for a living and defend their territory by intimidation and fights often resulting in maggots festering wounds if not tended to. They fall ill and they die like any other animals. Cats are also living things who yearn to survive despite the adversity they have to live with throughout their lifetime. And so, who are we to decide when the cat lives or dies? Do we go around euthanizing lions and tigers we see struggling with old age? Who are we to decide if our cat should be euthanized in order to avoid according to our benchmark, a ‘painful death’? If it is indeed a painful death, many cats would’ve been subjucated to this ‘excruciating naturality’ designed by the rules of the animal kingdom. And therefore the golden question: Who are we to play God?...
His persistence in getting me to wake every morning, staring into my eyes before looking away with his utterly adorable face, singing his usual cat song and helping me deal with the detestable cockroaches that come by occasionally. All these while, he fills me with unrivalled entertainment, a reason why I should come home as much as possible. I miss him everytime I go overseas for work and always pesters my girlfriend for my son’s picture. When he’s lethargic from a day’s activity, he lies down on the sofa sometimes next to me beguiling me with his natural feline demeanour even when he’s sleepy. I feel like a real father holding him in my embrace kissing his hairy cheeks sometimes to his irritation. But it didn’t bother me for through him, I find my life on earth complete. He is very often regarded as a God send, my prayers answered.
Then the thought of him departing due to old age dawns upon me. I shudder to think of being confronted with the choice of euthanizing my son, the little cat I brought home, who filled my life with purpose, gave me a reason why I am complete. I started to search for answers to this dilemma online, through the bible and moralities amongst fellow pet owners..
@Stephen Guest thank you for your post. I believe it helps a lot to know that their are many others who share your grief and that we are not crazy because of the intense pain of loss of our beloved pets. We cared for them and nurtured them back to health when they were sick and for that they gave us their unconditional love and sometimes we even took them for granted thinking nothing bad would happen to them. You can feel very blessed that your baby lived a long and really good life because of you. In my case I went with the vet in telling me I was doing the right thing in putting him down. In hindsight I just have to believe & trust that I did the right thing for our baby but the whole process was surreal at the time and now the reality of the loss is overwhelming as we miss Zorro so much. He is in our memories and hearts forever. I'm not sure if I had to do it over I may have waited a bit longer to really make sure it was the only option because my son influenced me a lot at the time that we should do it right away that day of diagnosis because we were so afraid to see him suffer....so that's the only thing. I think most of what I have read of others they cared for their pets until they just knew it was time, that way you will know you did all you could and you will not have any regrets. All in all I would say pray and you will know when it is the right time.
My heart goes out to you and every one else here too. I'm there too- I keep thinking I hear her and that I see her, healthy, laying on the floor- I'm still crying off and on, 3 days later...
@Kenneth Santiago Yes, I so very much agree, we lost our baby just this past Friday...we had to put him down. Only 11 years and in good health up till just recently. I did not imagine my grief would be so intense and I can hardly go a few minutes without thinking of him an crying and missing him so much. I keep looking for him in all the places where he used to be thinking somehow he might be there, but I know he is gone and not coming back again. It doesn't help that I have huge guilt feelings....should have/could have/maybe if we noticed he was sick earlier, maybe if we let the vet treat him more agressivley, but now its too late we can't bring him back. Although we have 2 other cats, our Zorro was special with lots of personality that you don't find that often in cats. We love him so much!!!
@Marsha Dean Marsha - do not feel guilty about not knowing your kitty was sick. He was a cat and even though a house cat he was still a creature of the wild. What I'm trying to say is cats (and dogs) are masters at hiding discomfort and pain - in the wild to appear weak is an invitation to predators and even invite aggression from their own kind. It's only when they are truly desperately ill that they just give up trying to hide their illness. You did well by him, you found out he was suffering and you freed him from that. Knowing it would break your heart if you did this you did the most unselfish thing you could do - you went ahead and broke your heart to save him from further misery. Cry, but cry tears of joy that your little guy is free.
@Maria Pere-Perez Thank you for your words. I too will hold her paw until it's time to say goodbye, whether it comes sooner rather than later, I'll make sure she's not alone when she takes her last breath.
@Albert Herrera Hi, I just read your post, and had to write to you. Our cat Lilly, is going to be put down at 3pm today. She was having problems eating around 2/5, so we took her to the vet. They did blood work and urine test, nothing was wrong. The vet did give me medication to try and stimulate her appetite, it didn't seem to work. We brought her back on 2/10 for an ultra sound. I figured it was some type of infection. I was So wrong. There is a tumor on her liver, and her organs are all floating in some liquid. They did more test, however all cam back inconclusive. Lilly, has been doing exactly what your beloved Trish did. I have water bowls all over the house, she just stares at them. We have had her on a medication called Prednisolone since the 12th. (administered by a syringe) That's not helping. This is the WORST thing I have ever had to deal with. I suffer from 'functioning' depression, however about 6 yrs ago, I attempted suicide. I was going to try and OD on pills, well...... Lilly jumped in my lap and looked at me. I never went through with it and made a promise to her I never would again. She has been my everything. I am 42, no children, she was my purpose. Say a prayer for her, as I will for your Trish, and for everyone else who have lost their furry loved ones. Blesses, Jennifer Bradshaw
@Lela luster I hear you and very much feel your pain. I am so sorry!!!
thank you so much for understanding and I really appreciate the time you took to reply!! It helps so much too hear from others and to hear their encouraging words!!! Right now we are almost 2 weeks from losing Zorro and we still hurt and cry... but time is a healer and we are able to go on with our lives even though we will never forget our special baby!!
Hi there. I hope you're doing okay. My Twitch went to Heaven in November. Tonight when I sleep I'll ask him to say hi to your Lilly. Please never forget the sacred promise you made to her.
@Jennifer Bradshaw @Albert HerreraGet another furbaby as soon as you can. They give us so much more than they take. Jennifer, I understand about Lilly being your purpose. You will recover. And you will recover from your losses sooner if you get another cat as soon as possible. Not to replace your lost babies, but to give you purpose again. We humans seem to need that.
@Jennifer Bradshaw @Albert Herrera I am so sorry that you have to say good bye to your cat today. I have a 20 year old cat right now at the vet and they are running tests on him. I've had him for 14 years. He stopped eating 4 days ago and I have been hydrating him with pedialyte and water. Took him to the vet today and he thinks he may have stomach tumor and his thyroid is enlarged. Once we get the tests back today or tomorrow, we will make our decision. He is very lethargic but once he looks at me, I feel that he is not ready. Or maybe I am not ready. One thing I promised him is that I will never put him in pain or prolong his suffering. I want him comfortable, whether it be here on earth or in heaven. I pray for your comfort and their peaceful and pain-free passing.
@Salenri Rau @Jennifer Bradshaw@Albert Herrera , Salenri, something made me go back to this page. Maybe simply to see if Albert Herrera responded. I was shocked to see you wrote something. Yesterday was the hardest day of my life. Honest. Mark and I took Lilly to the Vet around 3. We are survivor's of hurricane Sandy, therefore our traffic pattern is beyond stupid. What I mean by that is it took us about 1/2hr, rather than 15 mins. Lilly became so awake and aware of all the construction trucks etc. She seemed so 'normal'. It made me second, third & forth guess the decision to have to put her to bed. All I can tell you is let him know that you will be fine, and he will feel better. I kept praying to God to let her go at home. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. I had to come to terms with the fact, she was starving inside. Do I regret my decision, well...... yes, but only because of my selfish side. As my brother put it, it's an importantly kind decision. ALL the best to you. I will say a prayer for you. Please email me if you need to Jaebradshaw@gmail.com
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